Dear 2017 Kin Luoi,
I want to say thank you as you have gone through a challenging year with laughs, being less bitter. The greatest lesson you teach the future me is dancing in the rain. Observe every little thing around, see things from 360 degree, trying to express your feeling as much as you can and being genuine to myself.
I even want to express my deepest gratitude as you find me 2 lifetime best friends who accompany me through ups and downs. Sharing and bitching about everything. Lead me to new things and new friends.
I want to say you have shown me a great example by accepting the dark and bright me.
This amazing 2017 Kin Luoi wouldn't be able to be a better her and go through her year without great supports from her loving family members (the parents, the sisters, brothers and cute little nephews and nieces) and her whole bunch of lifetime good friends whose nonsense, daily grudges, jokes and advice are the magic drugs that heal an exhausted soul. All the mentors she met shared her the life experience and great teaching and showering her with great cares.
Life does not have to be cmplicated. Only 4 things we need: something to do, someone to love, something to dream and something to hope for.
And listen to your patients for they will become your best teachers. Take care of yourselves so that you can care for others.
She finished her big exam, travel with new her and climb a high mountain.
All these experience are just too amazing by words of description.
Until the very last day, I am being grateful to who I am and who is around me.
2018, I want to let go and be more opened.
My 2018 resolution is no resolution, expect nothing.
But I did really want to climb Pinnacles hahaha
Thank you 2017 Kin Luoi
谢谢你2017年的庆蕾，辛苦了！
全世界加油！
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
A journey of a refugee
I came across this book [Nujeen] when I tried to kill time during my lunch break in a bookstore.
Fleeing from wars is surprisingly a common scene nowadays.
This girl escaped from her shattered home on a wheel chair with underlying cerebral palsy which is unbelievable.
She is blessed to have a dedicated sister who took care of her throughout the journey and brothers who financially supported the whole family for the flee.
The emotion, the fear and the stories from the other refugees were the highlights.
It depicts how war can destroy its people, its country due to the fights which actually just between a few dictators who spent million of lives to "win" over the battle.
It depicts how the other countries' response on the refugee crisis.
The fence walls were built higher and higher.
More and more rules to prevent the gash of refugee coming in.
How did it boost up the economy for the smugglers.
What did the refugee pay for their safety.
Nujeen is a very bright girl who is confined on a wheel chair but not her mind. She learnt all the things, history, English, science, common senses from TV. She learnt about the world from TV until she departed on her refugee journey.
Refugee is not a number but a human being.
She was jailed in a prison and that's the time she realized how important freedom is.
Freedom that I enjoy today is not free.
Nothing comes in free. It pays to get it.
Fleeing from wars is surprisingly a common scene nowadays.
This girl escaped from her shattered home on a wheel chair with underlying cerebral palsy which is unbelievable.
She is blessed to have a dedicated sister who took care of her throughout the journey and brothers who financially supported the whole family for the flee.
The emotion, the fear and the stories from the other refugees were the highlights.
It depicts how war can destroy its people, its country due to the fights which actually just between a few dictators who spent million of lives to "win" over the battle.
It depicts how the other countries' response on the refugee crisis.
The fence walls were built higher and higher.
More and more rules to prevent the gash of refugee coming in.
How did it boost up the economy for the smugglers.
What did the refugee pay for their safety.
Nujeen is a very bright girl who is confined on a wheel chair but not her mind. She learnt all the things, history, English, science, common senses from TV. She learnt about the world from TV until she departed on her refugee journey.
Refugee is not a number but a human being.
She was jailed in a prison and that's the time she realized how important freedom is.
Freedom that I enjoy today is not free.
Nothing comes in free. It pays to get it.
Sunday, April 2, 2017
A book that I want to read it a second time or more
It's been such a long time I didn't pen down my review of a book. Reading a book which can grip your heart the whole time is such a blessing that you want to finish it but you don't want to say goodbye so soon. The emptiness that followed push you to look for another great book.
I first came across with the author, Dr Kalanithi's powerful writing was in about 2016 when the title of its article caught me " My last day as a Surgeon". By only reading the title, I felt the heaviness. Until the last word in the article, I search for more for his story because of the inadequacy, I want to read more. By chance, Bill Gates posted his review of "When Breath Becomes Air" written by Dr Kalanithi and made a strong recommendation. It's thrilled to know that he wrote a book! His book comes to me at a right time as I am quenching for motivation in my lost way of my journey to pursue to become a doctor. Moving on either fast or slow makes us closer to the destination, being stagnant is something I don't know how should I proceed.
I relish every single word in this book being afraid to miss any tiny little stories or messages that the author wanted to convey. He is a man who used all of his life to understand the life and death which brought him to English literature, human biology, to medicine, to neuroscience, to neurosurgery. His experience as a doctor plunged me into another deeper level of reflection of the reasons of being a doctor. Newer perspectives in daily lives. He exemplified the calmness, the perseverance, the attitude to keep going even in front of death.
I paused for a very long time and I felt deeply disheartening when I read the last sentence of the prologue "the culmination of decades of striving, evaporated". I have similar feeling in certain point of my life, but I knew I am going to learn from Dr Kalanithi by reading his story in what kinds of attitude we should hold when we think about life.
Time and hopes are tricky. There is always a saying we should live the life to fullest as if it is our last day. Motivated. But, it would make a difference by how did you spend by given a different amount of money: RM1000, RM100, RM10, it makes a difference on what kinds of thing you would buy. I think this goes same with the time. We do not know when did our death come, so we assume we have RM1000 in our pocket. And one day, let say if terminal illness struck on us, the RM1000 could be lesser, or the same. It makes you realize, put you into the reality that your money is going to finish soon but there is no guarantee. Uncertainty unveils. Plan seems unnecessary but also indispensable.
After finish reading the book, I have a thought. It seems like the purpose of life is to prepare us to face death in peace. The better the preparation, the more peaceful you are. We pursue dreams, we cherish the love, kindness, blessings we have, the contribution, the impact we wish to make in the world are for our death preparation so that we would not be fretful to say goodbye to this world.
Dr Kalanithi said to his wife " I am ready" on his few last days.
There are a few sentences I want to keep here from the book which they hit me right into my heart:
-Nobokov: how our suffering can make us callous to the obvious suffering of another.
-Cadaver dissection epitomizes, for many, the transformation of the somber, respectful student into the callous, arrogant doctor.
-Putting lifestyle first is how how you find a job, not a calling
-As a resident, my highest ideal was not saving lives-everyone dies eventually-but guiding a patient or family to an understanding of death or illness.
-The physician's duty is not to stave off death or return patient to their old lives, but to take into our arms a patient and family whose lives disintegrated and work until they can stand back up and face, and make sense of, their own existence.
-Graham Greene: Life was lived in the first 20 years and the remainder was just reflection.
I am blessed to have met this book.
I first came across with the author, Dr Kalanithi's powerful writing was in about 2016 when the title of its article caught me " My last day as a Surgeon". By only reading the title, I felt the heaviness. Until the last word in the article, I search for more for his story because of the inadequacy, I want to read more. By chance, Bill Gates posted his review of "When Breath Becomes Air" written by Dr Kalanithi and made a strong recommendation. It's thrilled to know that he wrote a book! His book comes to me at a right time as I am quenching for motivation in my lost way of my journey to pursue to become a doctor. Moving on either fast or slow makes us closer to the destination, being stagnant is something I don't know how should I proceed.
I relish every single word in this book being afraid to miss any tiny little stories or messages that the author wanted to convey. He is a man who used all of his life to understand the life and death which brought him to English literature, human biology, to medicine, to neuroscience, to neurosurgery. His experience as a doctor plunged me into another deeper level of reflection of the reasons of being a doctor. Newer perspectives in daily lives. He exemplified the calmness, the perseverance, the attitude to keep going even in front of death.
I paused for a very long time and I felt deeply disheartening when I read the last sentence of the prologue "the culmination of decades of striving, evaporated". I have similar feeling in certain point of my life, but I knew I am going to learn from Dr Kalanithi by reading his story in what kinds of attitude we should hold when we think about life.
Time and hopes are tricky. There is always a saying we should live the life to fullest as if it is our last day. Motivated. But, it would make a difference by how did you spend by given a different amount of money: RM1000, RM100, RM10, it makes a difference on what kinds of thing you would buy. I think this goes same with the time. We do not know when did our death come, so we assume we have RM1000 in our pocket. And one day, let say if terminal illness struck on us, the RM1000 could be lesser, or the same. It makes you realize, put you into the reality that your money is going to finish soon but there is no guarantee. Uncertainty unveils. Plan seems unnecessary but also indispensable.
After finish reading the book, I have a thought. It seems like the purpose of life is to prepare us to face death in peace. The better the preparation, the more peaceful you are. We pursue dreams, we cherish the love, kindness, blessings we have, the contribution, the impact we wish to make in the world are for our death preparation so that we would not be fretful to say goodbye to this world.
Dr Kalanithi said to his wife " I am ready" on his few last days.
There are a few sentences I want to keep here from the book which they hit me right into my heart:
-Nobokov: how our suffering can make us callous to the obvious suffering of another.
-Cadaver dissection epitomizes, for many, the transformation of the somber, respectful student into the callous, arrogant doctor.
-Putting lifestyle first is how how you find a job, not a calling
-As a resident, my highest ideal was not saving lives-everyone dies eventually-but guiding a patient or family to an understanding of death or illness.
-The physician's duty is not to stave off death or return patient to their old lives, but to take into our arms a patient and family whose lives disintegrated and work until they can stand back up and face, and make sense of, their own existence.
-Graham Greene: Life was lived in the first 20 years and the remainder was just reflection.
I am blessed to have met this book.
Monday, March 6, 2017
空窗
因为在空窗期，所以比较会静下来思考吧！
为了梦想，所以很努力地在准备考试，很努力的耐心等待
如果说最难受的感觉是什么，那就是无限期等待，该继续保持希望还是就这样算了
心里不断地问自己，应该没有问题吧，一切会过去，对吧，对吧？对吧？
然后又告诉自己可以的
这样不断地循环
然后隔天醒来，生活会告诉你，不用想那么多，做就对了
来到熟女时期，常常会问自己如果把我所有会的东西丢掉，我还剩什么？我又能做什么？
有没有一种社会定律会要求什么年龄该做什么事？
身边很多朋友都结婚生孩子了
对我来说，一旦有家庭，大概人生就进入稳定期，接下来就是很幸福稳定地生活
围绕着的不就是家庭人际关系相处，孩子，家庭规划，偶尔谈论下工作
大概接下来的几十年都是那么地在预期范围里
因此，青春才那么珍贵，因为那么地无法预期与精彩
我不想那么稳定却也觉得平淡幸福的踏实感很不错
所以突然觉得有点迷失，也觉得自己很贪心，想那么地无法预期也想有平凡的幸福
不管如何
我喜欢人与人之间的机遇
有一天突然觉得
如果只是专注地医病，大概工作会很沉闷
如果是医人，那每天都会有很多无法预期的事发生，医院就像人生图书馆
什么书都有，认真去阅读每一本和我有缘的书，真的很不错
每份工作，我发现如果把专注力都放在与人的机遇上，大概都会很有动力
老师专注教育学生，可以改变很多故事结果
歌手唱歌是为了温暖人心，会有很多感动作品
演员演戏为了启发观众，会激起很大的涟漪
银行职员为了好好帮大众管理钱财，会意想不到地帮助很多人
我希望自己继续保持一个很新鲜的角度来看这个世界
不想做个入世很深或久了的成年人，然后对年轻人说出一些成年旧句
到了这年龄，我的未来还非常地不稳定
感觉还在找一个答案
只想对自己说，加油，相信就会有答案！
We can be tough and scared at the same time, can't we?
Proof is easy, faith is a hard damn work.
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