It's been such a long time I didn't pen down my review of a book. Reading a book which can grip your heart the whole time is such a blessing that you want to finish it but you don't want to say goodbye so soon. The emptiness that followed push you to look for another great book.
I first came across with the author, Dr Kalanithi's powerful writing was in about 2016 when the title of its article caught me " My last day as a Surgeon". By only reading the title, I felt the heaviness. Until the last word in the article, I search for more for his story because of the inadequacy, I want to read more. By chance, Bill Gates posted his review of "When Breath Becomes Air" written by Dr Kalanithi and made a strong recommendation. It's thrilled to know that he wrote a book! His book comes to me at a right time as I am quenching for motivation in my lost way of my journey to pursue to become a doctor. Moving on either fast or slow makes us closer to the destination, being stagnant is something I don't know how should I proceed.
I relish every single word in this book being afraid to miss any tiny little stories or messages that the author wanted to convey. He is a man who used all of his life to understand the life and death which brought him to English literature, human biology, to medicine, to neuroscience, to neurosurgery. His experience as a doctor plunged me into another deeper level of reflection of the reasons of being a doctor. Newer perspectives in daily lives. He exemplified the calmness, the perseverance, the attitude to keep going even in front of death.
I paused for a very long time and I felt deeply disheartening when I read the last sentence of the prologue "the culmination of decades of striving, evaporated". I have similar feeling in certain point of my life, but I knew I am going to learn from Dr Kalanithi by reading his story in what kinds of attitude we should hold when we think about life.
Time and hopes are tricky. There is always a saying we should live the life to fullest as if it is our last day. Motivated. But, it would make a difference by how did you spend by given a different amount of money: RM1000, RM100, RM10, it makes a difference on what kinds of thing you would buy. I think this goes same with the time. We do not know when did our death come, so we assume we have RM1000 in our pocket. And one day, let say if terminal illness struck on us, the RM1000 could be lesser, or the same. It makes you realize, put you into the reality that your money is going to finish soon but there is no guarantee. Uncertainty unveils. Plan seems unnecessary but also indispensable.
After finish reading the book, I have a thought. It seems like the purpose of life is to prepare us to face death in peace. The better the preparation, the more peaceful you are. We pursue dreams, we cherish the love, kindness, blessings we have, the contribution, the impact we wish to make in the world are for our death preparation so that we would not be fretful to say goodbye to this world.
Dr Kalanithi said to his wife " I am ready" on his few last days.
There are a few sentences I want to keep here from the book which they hit me right into my heart:
-Nobokov: how our suffering can make us callous to the obvious suffering of another.
-Cadaver dissection epitomizes, for many, the transformation of the somber, respectful student into the callous, arrogant doctor.
-Putting lifestyle first is how how you find a job, not a calling
-As a resident, my highest ideal was not saving lives-everyone dies eventually-but guiding a patient or family to an understanding of death or illness.
-The physician's duty is not to stave off death or return patient to their old lives, but to take into our arms a patient and family whose lives disintegrated and work until they can stand back up and face, and make sense of, their own existence.
-Graham Greene: Life was lived in the first 20 years and the remainder was just reflection.
I am blessed to have met this book.
