The first 2 months of clinical daily lives are spinning my head and I don't even have a time to have a mind rest. Studies, patients, exams occupied the whole brain.
However, the perspectives and feelings toward medicine also changed.
The eventful clerkship is beyond words.
The first time I touch the real patient.
The first time I talk with the real patient and their families.
The first time I witness the real busy clinical setting.
The first time I feel life is so fragile.
The first time .....many of my first.
Nights can be terribly busy in emergency. People just have different reasons, different problems and happening nights.
I still remembered a crying old woman hold my hands and asked me what happen to her husband in ED.
I still remember how people laughing in front of a dying man while doing CPR.
I still remember the dilated pupils when I shone through it.
I still remember how frustrated I am.
I will never forget how many times I fail in venipuncture but the patients are still willing to let me try.
First time, I feel the miracle after seeing the flat line having the signs of life by showing heart beats in the monitor after countless cycles of CPR until I was hypotensive and almost fainted.
I will never forget the moment I saw a helpless man fell down from the high floor in front of me.
I was shocked but more my heart broke with the scene. No pulse, irregular breathing, the chaotic surrounding, life how can you be so fragile?
I will never forget on the autopsy table, the two cases of sudden death. Death, seems like can be in the next second.
To all the cancer fighters I meet in the wards, you all are really amazing. You teach me how precious the life is, you teach me how miracle can be with positive power.
To the first terminal-ill patient I take care, L, I will never forget you. From the first day you admitted until I see how happy you are while being discharged, my emotion waves with your condition. I don't know how many days remained but I hope the quality of your life will be superb and you did affect my lives in positive way. We may not meet in the future, but I will remember you always.
Nenek, you are just so strong! I like seeing you every morning and checked your wound sites and talking with you though most of the time you told me you forget what happen before.
To all the patients I meet, thank you so much, there will be no better teacher as you. You are willing to talk with me, let me practise and brush up my clinical skills while you are in pain, in distress.
I will continue the spirit and do my very best to take care of the patients. Everyone lying on the hospital's beds is always somebody else's loved one, families and friends. They have their stories, futures and things to learn from.
Thanks for everything.
Life goes on!! Love life and enjoy the hurdles. There will be no rainbow without raining :)
