Chapter 2.1 Updating

Repeated days. Repeated routines.

Thing does not always turn out as a way we want.

Just something does not go very smooth these days.

Sometimes, I feel I get lost in some ways.

But, the things around you will just keep moving on.

The people, the time, the schedule,

everything needs to keep going on.

Finding a place to escape.

Updating something good in my days.

I have a very excellent moment in neurology block with amazing lecturers.

They cooked us brownies, cookies, and the "pie in the sky".

They sent us letters before the day of our NBME exam.

They encourage us, believe in us.

They are really great!

I enjoy very much in Endocrinology.

Dr Fred's ways of teaching are very lively, active and cute.

Candies may be a trick to attract children but that's not a bad trick to live the class up.

He is very dedicated by the way.

Joining a number of runs this year. 

Running is a way to enjoy myself, to calm myself, to motivate myself.

As I always think that life is just like the running track and we all run to the same finishing line at different time.

Having art in medicine last week.

Learning how to appreciate an art work.

It can be simple, profound or complicated.

Just depends on the ways we interpret it.

Everything around can be art.

~6 months to read a book~

All the quotes below are from "How Doctors Think" by Jerome Groopman. This book took me 6 months to finish reading and digest it. Just want to jot down some sentences which catch my eyes while reading. Hoping that I manage to read other books which soothe my mind and give me a sense of tranquility inside.

Here are the following sentences copied:

The great danger is that you stop caring. The goal of each day and each night was simply to clear the desks, rather than to deliberately and expertly care for those who needed care and reassure those who did not.

The hardest thing about being a doctor is that you learn best from your mistakes, mistakes made on living people.

Most errors are mistakes in thinking. and part of what causes these cognitive errors is our inner feelings, feelings we do not readily admit to and often don't even recognize.

The perfect is the enemy of good.

If he recommends a procedure,patients can ask why,what might be found,with what probability, and , importantly, how much difference it will make to find it. Some physician will be uneasy, some even angry because they may not have all the answers. Others will take the time and clearly respond to these simple, direct, reasonable questions.The kind of respond illuminates how much the doctor really knows about your case, and how much still needs to be discovered.

Just because you can't treat someone any longer for his cancer doesn't mean that you stop treating him. In fact, it is at this stage that treatment can be most challenging, how to balance therapy with medications to control pain without so narcotizing a person that he is unaware of his surroundings and unable to communicate with loved ones;how to give words of comfort while speaking the truth, acknowledging that while end is approaching, the person can still make a difference in the lives of others.

I do not know how true is it as I have not gone through my clinical years but it makes sense at certain point.

Just don't forget to have FUN!!Go go fighting!!

Chapter 2

The new chapter starts with a neurological whirlwind. I go deep into the brain, tour around this mysterious place by knowing their new names and how does the brain communicate "intrabrainally" and with the outside world. It's complicated but it's fun to learn at the same time.

Other than meeting with excellent, dedicated and professional Dr Mary Anne, Dr Mary Blue, Dr Ryugo and Dr Nicoline (They are really putting a lot of efforts to make the learning materials the best), the best part of the module is always to meet with the patient who has related disease that we learn. Today patient, Mr Poon was diagnosed with Parkinson disease in 2006. A Parkinson disease patient always has difficulty in initiating movements, problems in muscle tone, resting tremor and the disease is always progressive. The treatment is always complicated and hard to find a balance between the benefits and its side effects. I feel very grateful to Mr Poon and also his wife Mrs Poon. With physically inconvenience they are still willing to come to our school so that we can have a chance to get contact with real patient and learn better in understanding the presentation of the disease. It's really valuable for us and I thank them from the bottom of my heart. Not everyone is willing to sacrifice their time for other people.

The whole learning process proceeds very well, we can clearly observe the clinical presentation of parkinson disease and get the detailed medical history from Mr Poon and also his wife. We are able to understand the word "rigidity" by feeling the muscle tone. It's not easy to confront with a group of students who surround you, asking you questions, observing you while you are having a chronic disease with physical changes and emotionally unstable. But, Mr Poon who still comes with the intention that we can learn something and contribute well in the future medicine. According to her wife, he is actually emotionally unstable and may be under depression. Dr Nicoline also told us that his condition had become worse if compared with last year when she saw him.

End of the session, Mr Poon asks Dr Nicoline when does the new drug comes out and cure the disease." My colleagues will contribute their whole life to find the solution, we will always try our very best to help you". By hearing this answer, Mr Poon leaves the class with teary eyes. His wife is strong to take care of him alone. That's the power of love.

I feel really helpless but at the same time I told myself no matter what we must work hard together. In this world, at some point, we are all connected. I hope that with all the gifts given by all the generous people to me, I can contribute back to the society to help people as a way to show my appreciation.

Other than the detrimental effects of Parkinson disease brought to Mr Poon, I see the Power of LOVE today that his wife dedicates to him. I see how strong Mr Poon is, I see his generosity to help a group of medical students to learn better, he teaches me that always give something to people no matter in what kinds of situation. Thank you and thank you.

Patient is always the strong encouragement for me to keep going and to be more positive towards life.

Our body is unpredictable.

Love life.

GoGo KinLuoi!!!

Chapter 1.4

The year end holidays start with Dr Patrick farewell dinner. The night was wonderful with delicious foods, meeting with new faculty members and a touching farewell speech by Dr Patrick. Being grateful and keep going are the essence of his saying.

What I had been waiting for a long time was the Sabah trip which we had planned for a year ago. It has been a year I didn't meet my best gang in UKM. We are so close like a family, no secrets in between and can just be irrationally crazy in front of each other. We recounts the days of after graduation, sharing the tears in their first year real-life job experience, encouraging each other, giving suggestion and opinion. Taking thousand of photos within the 5 days trip. Enjoying Sabah refreshing air, non-stop talking in this 5-days journey and now I am looking forward our next year annual gathering trip!!!I miss my friends so much!!

Went back home during Raya. Drowned by family love every time I go back. Finding that my cute little nieces and nephews become taller and taller. They are simply adorable. Helping my sister to do some mural art works at her school. Meeting with my primary school teachers. The moment was great while focus painting the wall without realising the dark sky was already outside.

Doing my summer research project at Hospital UM. Working with Linda and Jintong was wonderful. Dr Patti, my supervisor for the project once wrote in the email: the best part of the experience is to see the complexity of starting a research, I will always help you to complete your project don't worry. This is the first time I feel research is useful. Though Dr Patti is on the other side of hemisphere, she taught me the significance of a research, writing proposal and IRB review and things to consider when starting a research. Meeting a lot of new faces in the hospitals with different backgrounds, talking with generous patients who agree to take part in the study, observing how hectic in the clinic. Communication between people is superb important. A lot are ahead of me to learn!!!! Patience is something very much needed in doing the research, and waiting is the routine for any administration.

Taking part in an inter-varsity physiology quiz with 400 medical students from 20 countries in Asia. It's a nice experience.

Olivia, my niece turns into 1 year old.  We had a simple celebration, eating steamboat, cake and singing happy birthday to her. Wishing her grow up happily and keep healthy.

I meet with a person who are in the deep shit owing a huge amount of money, listen to different stories about that person. No matter what, learn something from the story.

Feeling sucks as the holidays approach to the end. Balancing myself to have a good start for my second year.

Go!KinLuoi!!!

Chapter 1.3

Yeah, the great thing for today is I finished my Nephrology block and welcome the medical history for tomorrow and the first two days of next week. I am not satisfied with my test scores and feeling sorry for the dedicated lecturers Dr Jeff and Dr John (I think they don't mind as long as I know where are my mistakes,hehe :) By the way, I know medicine is such a long way to go through. By going through the road, pieces of pieces of medical myths will be put together and may be I can find a new piece.  As many of the lecturers said we need to have a strong basic in order to take good care of our future patients. So, Dear Future Patients, before meeting you all, I will brush up my medical fundamentals.

2nd great thing of today is meeting my bestie, Yoke Peng. We are so blessed as we are realizing our dreams and doing the things we like. Great to have her and lend me her ears.

Dr John sends us an email which warms my heart and like a charger that let me to move on more energetically. Dr Jeff and Dr John are such inspiring lecturers. Friendly, humble, professional, dedicated are all the characteristics of all the visiting lecturers. Love all of them!! I am so blessed to be taught by them.

Our Pugsom annual dinner will be held on next Friday. Hope everything will go smoothly and have a fun night. I am one of the members in choir team for performance hoping that we can sing well.What happens is always for the best. I believe God has her own reasons for me to meet with certain people and face some problems for just to have a better me.

Our seniors finish their USMLE Step 1 today.Congratzzz to them and the next year of now will be my turn.

OK, Life goes on~~

Today's golden adage of mine: Don't forget to have FUN along the way of life :))))

Chapter 1.2 Darkness

Malaysia GE 13 ended with the darkest sky. Phantom voters which was an unspeakable truth as my family members witnessed it and my friends were ghostbusters.I watched in front of the television that the parliament seats won by BN bounced up within several minutes. Something is wrong. Some people argued the truth about electricity shortage. With all the proven videos and photos posted by the united citizens, I believed there were cheating in our GE 13. I am very disappointed. May be in the politic world, there is no such thing called "clean" which not only happen in Malaysia. But, if we give in to this "dirty norm", there will be no hopes, no one will stand up to fight against for the right,truth and justice.

I felt very sad for all the foreign workers who were being used as political tools by all the greed-blinded politicians. Humanity is trampled down in this election. Again, the less fortune group are punched heavily by the power and money. Millions of people just want to have a simple life, proper meals and steady jobs. When a country is corrupted, the people suffer. I am blessed as I grow up in this country and therefore I want it to be better. And this is the reason I felt angry when I know that democracy is stolen in this GE. Why do we concern about who will be the country future leader?Because we all want Malaysia to be better. We love our country by not being proud of it but by criticizing it. We want to change it to a much better country than the others.

Many people told me that the world is materialistic. The right things don't always get justice. Less people want to stand up for justice because the price to pay is too costly. Look at how long all the venerable great man in the history took to fight for humanity,justice and the right things. It's not easy to be a superman. I do not care how dark or how realistic the world is, at least, I do not want my world to be dark and I strongly believe that light will be shone through as long as we never give up and always hope for the better. Just we need to work harder to make it better.

I may miss the 508 gathering due to transport problem,but thanks God I can felt the strong will of change in Malaysian. Hope everything will be fine.

Last,don't lose hope no matter what happens.

Chapter 1.1

Just want to write something out while busy with the GTS syllabus.

It's privileged to meet wonderful people in my clinic attachment especially Mr Moses who is blind. He is inspiring and teaches me that Dr-patient relationship is in an equilibrium, we need each other to help each other.

It's really honoured to meet with wonderful professors as I like everyone of them. They are dedicated in teaching and set up as an excellent role model. (I like some of them more than others hehe）

It's relaxing to sing and play guitar together. Just need to squeeze out some time to practice.

I am blessed as I can do anything I plan to do.

Going back home last holiday. Mum looked older. She told me a lot of her worries, her plans and her expectation on us. She is the most wonderful woman. It's unbearable to see her worrying face.  If we need to learn how to give, I think how to accept is also something we need to learn.By the way, I love my family so much. Hoping my plan to travel with mum for the 2nd time will be better and fix her schedule.

Going to vote for my very first time in my life on 5/5. It's thrilling and exciting. Hoping for a better Malaysia.

Knowing some of my friends are striving hard to get the chance to study medicine. They are persevere in pursuing their dreams. Always wish them the best.

Missing my good friends very much!!!!!!Hope them do well wherever they are.

Appreciate whatever we have and thanks for everything.

OK. Life goes on.

Chapter 1

It may be difficult to have some time to record my lives. Can I say i don't have time?Certainly not as I can still have time to watch some movies. It may be more appropriate to say that I would rather to have a rest than doing anythings. Today's touching sharing from 2 HIV patients for the in-campus LC session inspires me to jot it down. I want to remember my feelings while listening to their stories and Dr. Chris's presentation about HIV in Malaysia.

It attracted my attention when Dr Chris used "friend" instead of "patient" to invite them to share their stories. It felt warm! One of them get the virus through her husband as her husband was a drug user and passed away few years ago. Most of her family members were stayed away from her when she was in the lowest tide in her life and her mother tried to isolate her daughter thinking that can avoid her from transmitting the bugs to the others. She had been treated so badly in the hospital, being told to have died soon and being discriminated. After getting through all the obstacles and helps from her brother, she is now the part of the HIV peer supportive group in a hospital. Another guy who said he was tested HIV positive in 1990. He was a hoodlum before and did everything which was evil like abusing drugs and fighting. However, he turned over  a new leaf and opened shelter homes for those who had no places to go when tested positive for HIV. He involves in a lot of campaign to create awareness among public about HIV to stop the HIV stigma.
He told us: We cannot just receiving but we should also start to give. I heard this phrase a lot of time before, but it's just so touching when I heard it from this man. "31 of you are very important to me because you all are the future doctors. " These words are just like the booster for me to work harder!!!

Dr Chris shared his experience with us and he told us that treating HIV changes his ways of looking at things differently.

One of my coursemates asked the patients what are the things or questions are sensitive to them. They said it's better to not ask them how's they get the HIV as they had had the disease and there is no use to know the reasons.
Don't label and Don't judge people.

We do not know what others have gone through in their life. Stop grudging, stop complaining and start giving.

Do the right thing in the moment and move towards to the right direction.

Thanks for everything!!!!!   

Another New Year

2013 has come
Checking my to-do list in 2012
1)successfully learn the backstroke and butterfly style swimming(yes,done with free style but half way for backstroke)
2)Do well in my studies(satisfactory with my degree result)
3)Do something I like in my life(Yeah,i did it in 2012)
4)Live for working but not work for living(hasnt started working but i m doing what i like to do)
5)Cherish everything(I think I did)

I achieve most of the checklist,n I hope that it will be greater in 2013,
1) Jogging at least 3 days per week and join the 42km full marathon.
2)Learning guitar.
3) Study for knowledge not for the exam n grade dun be naive anymore.

GoGoGo KinLuoi!!!!!!!!!