Thursday, October 3, 2024

关于努力运气结果和公平

最近整幅心思都在准备考试这件事上,是一个在职业生涯很重要的考试,也可以说让我有点想放弃的一个考试,第一次准备考试准备得那么不上手,即使一直研究,一直了解,还是无法了解该如何提高过关的几率。总结有太多的因素那就是需要天时地利人和,大致上就可以帮助过关,可是都是在控制范围以外。能够做的也只是尽最大的努力让自己更加熟练,虽然每次总有遗漏的地方。结果重要吗?很重要,因为自己有想放弃的想法,放弃继续在这个我努力了那么多年的领域发展。不是冲动的想法,而是认真地在考虑,也一直为自己做转换跑道的心理准备。其实,原来放弃比坚持还难,一样不容易。我接受事不尽人意,接受努力不一定有结果,所以一直在思考对于自己最重要的是什么,我想要做个怎样的自己。今天的预考表现很不好,心情很糟糕,因为我真的尽力了,为什么还是表现不好。很感激身边有一直一起扶持的战友,也有一直默默在为我加油的家人朋友。可是,我一直都觉得需要做最坏的打算,至少如果最坏的结果发生,我也有个决定,然后继续往前走吧。

这个世界就是来体验的,体验千万种滋味。

剩下一个星期冲刺的时间,加油吧!!

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

我也不懂在坚持什么

来到事业的另外一个阶段,原来迎接的是面对身边的战友同事一个一个往不同方向从我的生活渐渐离开,尤其在这个离职潮超级无敌高的时期。其实自己也想不出几个继续呆在这个系统的好处除了在专业上有机会继续精进,除此之外真的没有多余的好处,然后坏处我可以清楚的一一例出来。我也不清楚就算千辛万苦到达事业顶端,我会开心吗,值得吗,还是会更加模糊自己的初衷,或是会拍拍自己的胸口说还好我坚持下来。一直挣扎着是否该放弃去邻国的机会,想爆脑一个多月,也做不出选择,只因和偶像的长谈,偶像的一句莫忘初衷,不要放弃,再加上一个我千百年没看过的长文讯息分享自己如何渡过低潮期,就决定继续忍下去!然后我也不懂自己的初衷是什么了,反正应该随着年龄都会变吧!我也不懂是自己不敢不想还是真的那么不喜欢去大家都向往的国外, 毕竟之前也放弃了去美国的机会虽然真的没有后悔没去,还是其实是自己了解自己或是其实是害怕而一直呆在这个国土。

这一年,和我最好的几个战友都转换跑道,离职的离职,换部门的换部门突换人生目标,只剩下屈指可数的几位每天互相吐洋葱的同事,这条路还很长可是越走人潮越稀薄,怎会那么孤单的。。。。看着从实习时期的照片讯息一直到现在,原来当初水深火热的生活因为有很多很好的队友,才能不知不觉撑到了现在。可是,大家都渐渐离开,系统又快垮了,伤感的感觉就油然而生。我也不懂我在坚持什么,就目前还无法坚毅地离开。

虽然看着身边从菜鸟医生到现在一起经历医院零零总总的高潮迭起,一起议论医院令人乍舌的八卦,一起吐槽上司下属,值了夜班忍不住要一起发泄怒气的战友们一个一个离开,感觉很舍不得,但这就是生活,一直变才是不变的道理,人总得往前才行。

祝福曾经陪我一起在这条神经病的职业轨道奋斗的战友同事朋友们,希望10年后的我们都感谢现在的自己,拍拍自己的肩旁,辛苦了!

继续享受接下来一直在变的风景吧!!

Wednesday, January 17, 2024

突然想起这个blog

读着年轻时写的字句,虽然现在也没很老,真的要很谢谢当时的自己,总是那么积极,那么坚持。当时的自己希望现在的我总能用新的角度看待这个世界,不要当个入世已深,总说些成年话给年轻人的大人,原来这个希望那么有挑战。

因为看见了很多根本没有公平的事,看见很多总是和常理相反却成了世道的常态的事,要找个新的角度去分析,去化解自己的不解,大概需要一点无敌的内力。

2023年对我来说是个教我如何失去的一年,让我惊觉,如果青春的成长是一个获得的过程,那么长大后的成人世界是一个不断失去的过程而且还比较久。还在长大的时候,认识新的朋友,体验很多的第一次,喜欢很多人,感受什么叫第一次心跳到不受控,去很多地方,感受很多不同的经验,一直学一直看一直感受。相反的,长大后,学习和朋友一个一个道别,学习和家人说再见,学习原来很多东西都会慢慢离自己远去,原来需要学习如何自己一个人去面对自己的生活和挑战。因为没有自己一个人过,原来这就是成人世界。可是在失去的过程中一直都会有漂亮的风景,善良的人,只要自己学着在失去中去感受。我还有点无法适应啊!!

偶尔心空空的,在想到底要如何好好把这人生过好啊,怎么那么难。还是好好准备考试,希望今年对我好一点。

拍拍自己的肩膀,加油!!

Sunday, April 26, 2020

What does it matter in the end?

"Being Mortal" is a book recommended by my friend who is also working in hospital.
Sometimes it seems like losing the purposes of working after a longer period.
I am not sure am I doing a right way or may be just doing for the sake of doing.
For sure right now, I am quenching for an inspiring mentor who I didnt find any in recent years.
May be is time to think how to reach it.

By the way, while reading the book all the predicament or the scenarios are encountered in my everyday lives, and it may someday happen to us.

I keep thinking what will I do or how should I do if I were in the stories.

As a records, there are some lines I would like to pen down :

-How to make live with living when we are at our weakest and most fragile and can't fend ourselves.

-If life designed to be safe but empty of anything else.

-We all seek a cause beyond ourselves. Beyond mere existence.

-You sit down, you make time. You are not determining whether they want treatment  X versus Y. You are trying to learn what's most important to them under circumstances-so that you can provide information and advice on the approach that gives them their best chance of achieving it.This process require as much listening as talking.
The words you use matter.
You shouldn't say "I am sorry things turned out this way." You should say " I wish things were different."You don't ask" what do you want when you are dying?", you ask, " If time becomes short, what is most important to you?"

-Our most cruel failure in how we treat the sick and the aged is the failure to recognize that they have priorities beyond merely being safe and living longer. 

- We think our job is to ensure health and survival, but really it is larger than that.It is to enable well-being and  well-being is about the reasons one wishes to be alive. Those reasons matter not just at the end of life, or when debility comes, but all along the way.

-Whenever serious illness or injury strikes and your body and mind breaks down, the vital questions are the same: What is your understanding of the situation and its potential outcomes? What are your fears and what are your hopes? What are the trade-offs you are willing to make and not willing to make? And what is the course of action the best serves this understanding?

-Peak-end rules, we remember the peak and the end makes the overall experience changed. That's why ending is important.

Reading a nice book is satisfying!!

Thursday, August 1, 2019

Time forwards to 2019

After a busy-no-time-to-think period, I open my blog realising that it's been 1 year I never update myself about myself!

2018 is a year I became hearing aid assistant, teacher and being a houseman. A year scholarship stopped credited into my account, a year people around telling you about financial planning, finding a husband, paying income tax. Also a year meeting a lot of new faces from different backgrounds

I am much slower than my fellow peers in stepping into society.

How has it been?

I think no difference.
Just I am more calm than before.
Walk slower than before but definitely not during saving a life
Appreciate the day-dreaming time or being idle, it's such a great gift given at the end of the day.
I don't set resolutions anymore.

2019
I traveled to Laos and Bali
I am more experienced in exploring new place
I enjoy not going to tourist place but focus on time spent with my travelling partners

My clinical skills improved, but knowledge wise still need to be brushed up
I complete ALS course today. It's fun and I am grateful that I have a friend strive hard together with me.

"What would you see yourself in the coming 5 years?"

I don't know. I just know that be the best me today and it will be great in 5 years.
Life is unpredictable and the constant is changing.

My new interest in my early thirties is Yoga. It brings me peace and I am going to start my lesson this month!!

Go! Kin Luoi!


Sunday, December 31, 2017

Bye and thank you 2017

Dear 2017 Kin Luoi,

I want to say thank you as you have gone through a challenging year with laughs, being less bitter. The greatest lesson you teach the future me is dancing in the rain. Observe every little thing around, see things from 360 degree, trying to express your feeling as much as you can and being genuine to myself.

I even want to express my deepest gratitude as you find me 2 lifetime best friends who accompany me through ups and downs. Sharing and bitching about everything. Lead me to new things and new friends.

I want to say you have shown me a great example by accepting the dark and bright me.

This amazing 2017 Kin Luoi wouldn't be able to be a better her and go through her year without great supports from her loving family members (the parents, the sisters, brothers and cute little nephews and nieces) and her whole bunch of lifetime good friends whose nonsense, daily grudges, jokes and advice are the magic drugs that heal an exhausted soul. All the mentors she met shared her the life experience and great teaching and showering her with great cares.

Life does not have to be cmplicated. Only 4 things we need: something to do, someone to love, something to dream and something to hope for.

And listen to your patients for they will become your best teachers. Take care of yourselves so that you can care for others.

She finished her big exam, travel with new her and climb a high mountain.

All these experience are just too amazing by words of description.

Until the very last day, I am being grateful to who I am and who is around me.

2018, I want to let go and be more opened.

My 2018 resolution is no resolution, expect nothing.
But I did really want to climb Pinnacles hahaha

Thank you 2017 Kin Luoi
谢谢你2017年的庆蕾,辛苦了!

全世界加油!


Tuesday, October 24, 2017

A journey of a refugee

I came across this book [Nujeen] when I tried to kill time during my lunch break in a bookstore.

Fleeing from wars is surprisingly a common scene nowadays.

This girl escaped from her shattered home on a wheel chair with underlying cerebral palsy which is unbelievable.

She is blessed to have a dedicated sister who took care of her throughout the journey and brothers who financially supported the whole family for the flee.

The emotion, the fear and the stories from the other refugees were the highlights.

It depicts how war can destroy its people, its country due to the fights which actually just between a few dictators who spent million of lives to "win" over the battle.

It depicts how the other countries' response on the refugee crisis.
The fence walls were built higher and higher.
More and more rules to prevent the gash of refugee coming in.
How did it boost up the economy for the smugglers.
What did the refugee pay for their safety.

Nujeen is a very bright girl who is confined on a wheel chair but not her mind. She learnt all the things, history, English, science, common senses from TV. She learnt about the world from TV until she departed on her refugee journey.

Refugee is not a number but a human being.
She was jailed in a prison and that's the time she realized how important freedom is.

Freedom that I enjoy today is not free.
Nothing comes in free. It pays to get it.